In business, “Ms.” is the standard default title for women until or unless an individual makes another preference known, and this default is also becoming more common socially.”
Back in the Victorian Era (at least according to my daughter) when I was a fairly freshly minted engineer (only a few years out of school) and bride, it seemed like every woman I met used Ms. and I wanted to be different. I was happy to take my husband’s name (at least most people can spell it with only minor instruction) and use the title Mrs.
Then I was an unemployed young mother and I didn’t think much about how I was called. “Hey You” worked just about as well as anything else when my focus was on the baby and so I continued to use Mrs. L…. when I needed to use something. And I didn’t think much more about it for years.
Until last year when I started subbing and paying attention to titles that the teachers were using with the students. The men were all Mr. This and Mr. That, but the woman were Mrs. This (if they were married) and Ms. That (if they weren’t.) And even a teacher that I knew was using her maiden name was Mrs. That
Even several public opponents of “non-sexist language,” such as William Safire, were finally convinced that Ms. had earned a place in English by the case of U.S. Congresswoman Geraldine A. Ferraro. Ferraro, a United States vice-presidential candidate in 1984, was a married woman who used her birth surname professionally rather than her husband’s (“Zaccaro”). Safire pointed out that it would be equally incorrect to call her “Miss Ferraro” (as she was married), or “Mrs. Ferraro” (as her husband was not “Mr. Ferraro”) — and that calling her “Mrs. Zaccaro” would confuse the reader”
which seems to be totally in conflict.
So today I started a new sub position for the next ten-ish weeks as a math aid for a middle school Title 1 classroom as it prepares for standardize testing in April. And after nearly the entire day the classroom teacher thought to ask (as she was about to introduce me to a new batch of kids) what I used as a title. Which started one student asking what Ms. meant as compared to Mrs.
Later when we got a lull while the kids worked on their project, I asked her why all the teachers didn’t just use Ms. She didn’t know, but told me about another math teacher (a male one) setting up some school-wide practice problem (they do one each week) with three characters: Mrs. A, Miss B, and Ms. C. And before finishing the problem and posting it he researched which title he should use for the three woman.
According to my ‘source’ his conclusion was that Ms. should be used to indicate some disdain for marriage, possible as a title for a divorced woman or someone who had no interest in marrying in the future…..
Now I work with a few teachers at this school over the course of my day, but not the researching gentleman so it may be awhile before I have an interaction with him that will allow me to find out if that’s really what he thinks he found. I certainly am curious what he thinks about the correct usage of the three titles and where he got his information. I was able to confirm my own understanding just by bopping over to Wikipedia (I know, not the best source.)
I know it’s a minor thing, but not teaching the students (this is a district wide phenomena) that a woman’s professional standing has no connection to whether she is married or not (and hence not information they need) is a disservice to the kids.
I can look at newspaper clippings of my mother from the 40s and 50s where she was identified as Mrs. Frank B….. even though the story and pictures are professional notices of her performances and have no connection to her husband.
And I remember when I was a child and she would be identified as Mrs. Janet N… but that was the only choice and still connected her professional activity to the fact that she was married.
Women have worked hard to be recognized as being capable and dedicated as any man and they don’t need someone holding their arm to be successful. The Ms. title is meant to balance Mr. and using anything else (as a rule) in the classroom is sending the wrong message to ALL the kids in the classroom. I have no problem with an individual deciding to use another title for themselves, but I’ve love to light a fire under these teachers and make them think of the message they are teaching the kids.
I agree that we should be using titles that separate professional standing from marital status. In fact, someone’s marital status shouldn’t be relevant in most situations (as my MIL says when asked for a title “Why does it matter to you who I’m having sex with?”).
But I think in common usage Ms has often taken on the sense that you describe that other teacher finding. I have certainly heard it assumed to refer to divorced women. And it carries an association with feminism that some people want to distance themselves from.
Interestingly in other languages, what has happened is that the title formerly used for married women is now used for all adult women. Frau in German, Madam in French. It is now socially unacceptable to call an adult woman the equivalent of “Miss” and the titles for women have ceased to be linked to marital status because of this.
It seems a bit late for that in English now. But the fact that we continue to designate women’s marital status in a wide range of situations is problematic. And should be an appropriate topic of discussion when educating the young.
Wish I had more time to respond, but just briefly…
In tae kwon do any black belts are referred to by Mr, Mrs, Miss, Ms ___ (or sir or mam). My DH is Mr. Gookin and my daughter is Miss Gookin, and I am Christine. I keep having to tell people that even though I’m married to Mr. Gookin, I am not Mrs. Gookin (that’s my MIL anyway). I keep having to tell little kids that Miss Gookin is not Mrs. Gookin and explain the whole Mrs. thing to them. I never get the feeling that anyone has ever bothered to tell them. I also worry that they get the wrong idea about their relationship, lol! Ms. would be so much easier to deal with. It SHOULDN’T matter whether we’re married or not in any situation, the title implies respect and it shouldn’t hinge on whether a woman is married or not. The English language is continually evolving, it’s about time that this part of it evolved too.
I am Mrs. Casey. I would be offended by being addressed as Ms.
Just my two cents.
I’m Ms. M—– and I am offended to be called otherwise. I’m especially irritated by the credit/reward cards that tack that stupid title on the card so the clerk or whoever uses it to “personalize” service:p
And I prefer to be called ma’am.
I found it amusing that the school kids in Australia address all teachers and administrators as Sir or Miss (regardless of the woman’s status.) Most other adults were called by their first names as it seemed there were more “partners” than actual spouses and that avoided any potential awkwardness.
I like Doctor just fine and prefer that no matter which surname follows. It is the ultimate professional title and so you’d think that going all the way to earning that separate specialized-to-the-academic-professionl title, would be a rare but final solution to a woman’s problem or respectful address, but no! Some men STILL insist their “mis”-apprehended and “mis”-taken” notions are entitled to make us “miz”-erable” — and even doctoring hasn’t found a cure:
On a related note, more than once I’ve heard the First Lady introduced (on television in huge national and international events) in a wrong way that really burns me: Mrs. Michelle Obama. NO! She is not married to herself, and in the South at least, missus her own first name followed by man’s surname,is the traditional title for the former wife once a new wife has replaced her socially as current missus man’s full name. It’s supposed to keep everyone clear about who’s in which place and then keep them in it.
Whereas I would find it deeply grating if they called her Mrs. Barack Obama, because she’s her own person and has her own name. Of course, I’m not from the South…
And it’s Ms. S., though my students often slip and call me either Mrs. S. or Miss S. I answer to all three, as long as they get my last name correct. Though, between “Miss” and “Ma’am” as a stand-alone term of address from store clerks, I’m young enough to prefer Miss though I get Ma’am most often.
When I write a letter to a customer, I will often have no idea of her marital status, but I *am* aware that I should not presume to address her by her first name (unless, of course, we have a personal as well as a business relationship). I’m a persnickety person about grammar, and I don’t enjoy being incorrect in the way that I address someone of unknown–and in the course of my business with her, irrelevant–marital status.
Fortunately for me, this aversion to being incorrect, rather than feminism, or a “lack of pride in being married” (and why is it that men are never accused of this, despite their insistence on continuing to use “Mr.” after marriage?), was at the root of “Ms” (no period, as it is not short for anything).
http://www.nytimes.com/2009/10/25/magazine/25FOB-onlanguage-t.html
In writing, I am usually referred to as “Ms”. In my doctor’s office, the staff sees my marital status on my form and calls for me as “Mrs.”, despite the fact that I have not taken my husband’s last name, because married women have complained to them about being summoned with the equally grammatically correct “Ms”. Please do try to have patience with people who work in customer service–because whatever title with which they address you, they probably are doing their best to NOT offend you.
I don’t think it teaches that at all today. But, I also have no problem with someone choosing Ms. instead of Miss or Mrs. I prefer using Miss, personally, but occasionally I will use Ms. I think if women were still required to call themselves by their husbands first and last names, then it would definitely be true that we, by allowing it as if there’s nothing wrong with it, would be a bad thing. Very bad. But, for many women, the fact that they’re married is PART of their identity. And they want to make that part known, even in the professional venue. But, if she doesn’t want to, there should be no reason a woman should have to. It shouldn’t be regarded as unseemly for a woman to use Ms. in conjunction with her married name, or if she wanted to use Ms. in conjunction with her maiden name. Or, if she isn’t married, there should be no reason why it should be looked bad for her to use Ms. instead of Miss. But, I don’t think it should look bad for a woman to use Mrs. or Miss, either. Nor do I think it denotes that she’s doing anyone a disservice. I don’t think it puts undue emphasis on the fact that she’s married or not. Back in the day, when you HAD to use Mrs. or if you had to use Mrs. Frank B instead of Mrs. Lilith B, or Ms. Lilith K or Ms. Lilith B, then it was definitely going too far and I would see your point. But, I don’t think it carries over into the way things are done today.
This is actually not at all a new abbreviation, though. It goes back a LONG way. It has its roots in differentiating between married and unmarried women. It used to be insulting to go up to an unmarried woman and call her Mrs. Just as it used to be insulting to go up to a woman who was married and call her Miss. Ms. is something that came about as a way to address women of whose marital status you didn’t know or weren’t sure of. And all of those abbreviations are short for the same thing. Mistress.